Trust and Obey

Today has been a nice, quiet Sabbath. Hurricane Irene just slipped quietly by us last night and left us in peace and without power. Power outages allow for many hours of quiet contemplation!

The short summary of what I'm about to say is: I'm so self-absorbed! Thinking and talking about ME too much, as usual.

We'll be moving to a new home soon.... I mean eventually... I... think....

I'm expecting a baby in three short months and I haven't done any planning since my focus has been on moving ON. Where to, you ask? Oh, well, I don't know that exactly. Well... I have a rough idea. Okay, the truth is that anything could happen, really.

So the more I ponder upon the nothing that is almost about (surely soon!) to happen, the more agitated I get! Last night I could focus on nothing but my discontent. My spirit was in turmoil and I couldn't logic myself out of it. I went to bed discouraged and woke up disgruntled. (Sorry, Honey!)

Then came God's Holy Spirit and ministered to me quietly.

I read the blog of a dear sister in Christ who was sharing the struggles of her own heart, and I shared some of my own struggles and some of God's Word, which I hope encouraged her.

Shortly thereafter I was changing my toddler's diaper. As simple a task as that may seem, it was proving to be surprisingly difficult! First, I was balancing her on my right hip, then I had to bend down nearly to the floor to retrieve a clean cloth dipe. Being six months pregnant made this a trial, and I squatted instead to keep the blood in my head. Once down, then rising precariously and waddling to the bedroom to lay her on my bed and change her!

I thought: This is my task from the Lord for this moment. Care for the needs of my little one. Carry cheerfully (without sighing!) the little one in my womb and the little on on my hip. And... so on!

Psalm 31:10

"For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed."

The truth of the matter is that the tasks God calls me to go on each day. My geographic location matters not at all to accomplishing these tasks. Should I waste my moments with sighing?

Instead, I want my heart to be filled with gladness!

Proverbs 11:25

"The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself."

So I found myself content serving the Lord in the changing of a diaper and in seeking to encourage a friend. His Spirit reminded me that as I search for rest for my heart, I can find it only in Him.

Lord! Teach my heart that when it is full of sighing, when I cannot find rest, I have taken my eyes off of You. I have forgotten my purpose. I have let go of the Rock of my Salvation and have left the Spirit of Peace in the search for the fulfillment of my lusts. Lord, help me to be lost in You.

Matthew 10:39

"He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

1. TRUST AND OBEY
2. John H. Sammis 1887
3. 
   
4. When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
   What a glory He sheds on our way!
   While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
   And with all who will trust and obey.
   • Refrain:
     Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
     To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
5. Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
   But His smile quickly drives it away;
   Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
   Can abide while we trust and obey.
6. Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
   But our toil He doth richly repay;
   Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
   But is blessed if we trust and obey.
7. But we never can prove the delights of His love
   Until all on the altar we lay;
   For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
   Are for them who will trust and obey.
8. Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
   Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
   What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
   Never fear, only trust and obey.

Blessed Motherhood

It's been so long since I've written down my thoughts I'm not sure I know how anymore.

It is quiet time in the Woolley house. The peace of this hour of the day is bringing such content to my heart I felt I had to write it down.

My oldest, now six, (that is her picture at left) is napping away a nasty headache. My second is reading quietly on the love seat, thrilled that she can join the world of readers. I smile and nod as she shows me pictures of dinosaur bones and counts them; watch her as she turns the pages of her 'ABC' book and quietly murmurs the alphabet song to herself, trying to commit the letter forms to memory.

My third girlie sits contentedly in my lap, burbling her thoughts to a plastic cow. While I enjoy her closeness I reach down into a basket of warm laundry, fresh from the dryer. The rhythm of reach, fold, fold, and the soft thump of a child's sweater hitting the laundry basket keep us company. She rubs her eyes and lays her head against my chest.

The sweet and quiet joys of motherhood at home!

With the baby down for her second nap of the day, I resume the familiar rhythm of folding the laundry. Bored with her picture books, my little one asks to help. Together we create piles of blue, gold, and often pink clothing, the stripes creating a satisfying if haphazard order to the mountain of cotton and fleece. She asks me if I think Daddy will buy us a pink house someday? Not very likely, I tell her, but you can ask him. She says she will, and then, finished with folding, asks for crayons and leaves me alone to write.

The day is chilly but the sun is out and I hope we'll be able to walk this afternoon. I'm longing for some spring air, but I don't know if the eldest's headache will keep us from enjoying any exercise today.

A quiet joy presses in, and I know the sweet pain of a mother who knows her children are growing and there is nothing she can do to stop it. If I could only freeze this perfect moment!

The artist is done with her work, she brings it to me for approval and critique. Tell me about it, I say. It's a pink house, she says, and it's full of the children who live in it. I notice there are three stories, just like our town home, and everyone in the picture is a girl. I smile and tell her I like it very much.

Three girls. Three daughters. Such beauty and laughter in our home! I wonder if the children I lost were girls too. I wonder if I have sons or daughters waiting in glory. I miss them. Sometimes I count heads in the kitchen and wonder if the baby is upstairs crying. But all the babies are already present. I instinctively look for the souls that have passed on. Wee ones I was never able to hold. A mother's heart does not forget.

My heart floods with gratefulness. I lift a thankful heart to the Lord for the children he has given. I pray for His blessing on the life that I am now carrying. I ask Him for health and life and happiness. This is my sixth pregnancy. I wonder if this will be the son we have prayed for...?

I could never deal with the grief of loss alone, and that is why I never keep these things a secret. I am so thrilled to be carrying this child, and so terrified that I will not be allowed to keep it, that each day is a gift. Who can know what tomorrow brings? But today, I will rejoice.

I am humbled and honored that God gives us another child.

Lord, you are beautiful, and Your creation is beautiful, and I am filled with joy in the work you are doing within me. All praise and glory are your due. May your name be magnified in all the earth, Amen.